Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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