allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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