my mouth tastes like poor choices
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
