She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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