3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
