So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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