considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
