you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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