a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
