mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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