I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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