just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
