i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
