I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
