just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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