does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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