you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
