He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Enjoy the penises
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
