Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
