Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
