plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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