Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
