i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
