Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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