If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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