May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
