are you so shy because you have an std?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
