I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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