College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
