I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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