He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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