TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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