Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
