I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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