i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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