Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
