how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
