Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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