So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
