So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
