pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
