did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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