Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sober January is a disaster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
