I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
