I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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