yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
