Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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