New low: just hacked my moms facebook
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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