I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got inside last night via doggy door
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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