She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize