I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
