Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
