I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
