You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
