You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
