Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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