I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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