I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize