Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dignity is for republicans.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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