do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
