I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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