Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
