I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
