I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
