how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
