And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
