I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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