Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
