Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
