New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
