so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
