Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
