I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
