remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
