I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
